I Ended It. And Now I Feel Horrible
Tuesday 19. March 2019 I ended it.
I do feel good about it, but I also feel horrible. I feel like I just said I don´t want anything to do with you anymore or I´m not happy about what they did. My anxiety is trying to kill me right now.
I mean I only canceled more physical therapy appointment... It´s not that bad. I even pay for them to help me, and yet my anxiety is telling me that I should feel bad? No that´s not ok. I have done nothing wrong. I have done what they told me to do, I´ve gone to so many appointments and learned a lot. But I don´t have time or money to go anymore.. It costs so much and I feel sick because I´m almost broke after going so many times.
Ok, so serious note. Because of my anxiety I feel horrible about it. It really is that bad, but I´ve decided it´s not gonna take over and choose what I´m gonna do or say. It will have no impact on my decisions and perspective on anything. This mindset I have now is very strong and independent. I do not let things affect my thoughts or opinions. I chose what will affect them or not. I know it´s not easy telling yourself that all the time and everyday.
Like you´re allowed to cry, be angry, yell and any emotions that comes from a situation, but what you can do after reacting to it and letting out your emotions is to move on from that part and try to figure out what is the next step in this situation. You can´t give up, because that´s when you´ve really lost.
So...
One thing to learn from this situation. Never give in and never give up. I think that´s the best thing I´ve ever days. Or at least in days. But I hope you´ve learned a bit and I hope you will listen to my little story and think "Aahh, I´m gonna do the same next time I´m in a situation that makes me feel uncomfortable."
I also have another story I want to tell you, but I need more time to write it so it makes more sense. I also might talk about it in a video to explain it even more, but I already talked about it in my stream so if you haven´t gone to twitch and seen my stream yet you can click on the link that says Twitch and when you get there you can hit the follow button. I talk random stuff there all the time (and scream, but it´s funny I promise) and you get to see more of the fun, weird crazy side of me.
I do feel good about it, but I also feel horrible. I feel like I just said I don´t want anything to do with you anymore or I´m not happy about what they did. My anxiety is trying to kill me right now.
I mean I only canceled more physical therapy appointment... It´s not that bad. I even pay for them to help me, and yet my anxiety is telling me that I should feel bad? No that´s not ok. I have done nothing wrong. I have done what they told me to do, I´ve gone to so many appointments and learned a lot. But I don´t have time or money to go anymore.. It costs so much and I feel sick because I´m almost broke after going so many times.
Ok, so serious note. Because of my anxiety I feel horrible about it. It really is that bad, but I´ve decided it´s not gonna take over and choose what I´m gonna do or say. It will have no impact on my decisions and perspective on anything. This mindset I have now is very strong and independent. I do not let things affect my thoughts or opinions. I chose what will affect them or not. I know it´s not easy telling yourself that all the time and everyday.
Like you´re allowed to cry, be angry, yell and any emotions that comes from a situation, but what you can do after reacting to it and letting out your emotions is to move on from that part and try to figure out what is the next step in this situation. You can´t give up, because that´s when you´ve really lost.
So...
One thing to learn from this situation. Never give in and never give up. I think that´s the best thing I´ve ever days. Or at least in days. But I hope you´ve learned a bit and I hope you will listen to my little story and think "Aahh, I´m gonna do the same next time I´m in a situation that makes me feel uncomfortable."
I also have another story I want to tell you, but I need more time to write it so it makes more sense. I also might talk about it in a video to explain it even more, but I already talked about it in my stream so if you haven´t gone to twitch and seen my stream yet you can click on the link that says Twitch and when you get there you can hit the follow button. I talk random stuff there all the time (and scream, but it´s funny I promise) and you get to see more of the fun, weird crazy side of me.
See you next time..
XOXO SpaceMonkey
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